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Where to start !! I’m a 20 years old girl who wants to live not only exist.

I see life from different perspectives.

 

Last year was for me more than just that, I was being patriotic in the land of fighters, but found out that most of those who I fought with and I thought that actually believed in this land and in freedom were looking for their own benefits. Won’t talk about it much because all it did to me was hurt ! and all it did to this land was disappointment and dishonor.

 

Ghasan kanafani said : “If we are unsuccessful defenders on the case .. Rather it is sufficient for us to change the defenders not to change the case”

It was a great experience that I’m proud of myself going through and I’ll always stand tall for what I fought for but dear friends you must know the truth, that knowledge is missing and faith is gone , Palestinians must rise up again but they need re-build !

 

I’ve been through knowing many people that most of them I’m not much pleased to know, because all what they did is either stabbing me in my back or took advantage of my good intentions !

 

I understood that social media is strong and must not underestimate it or misunderstand it, through it I got the chance to go to tunis this summer for a work shop under the name of al-jazeera network, creative commens, and nawaat . I met amazing people more than just intelligent and talented , they were real fighters and believers. They had the heart to say Free Palestine with no under table games. Through them I saw new future for the Arab region, through them I planted this faith inside me that one day Palestine could be free.

 

I had the chance to be part of Dewan Gazzah, basically maintains the most well educated and cultured people in town. Something I’m proud to be part of. Did much to this country way more than hurling stones or wanting to die for freedom, it’s the group that believes in creating life into this land and its people.

 

I’m twenty now, been through a lot in those two decades of my life.. I understand now that friendship is never easy to find and love is way harder. Rule number one is Everybody Lies! And if you want to be happy stop worrying much about people or tomorrow because both are not garneted.

 

I wanted to post something means more to me than it might be to you. Every time that something happens in this place that I love deeply “Gaza” I wanted to write about, but I find myself feeling more than words could explain, and finding more holes by days. Basically this blog is about Nalan. This girl that maybe one day can do something effective, something worth remembering.

 

I might be different now than before, my perspectives did change. And I believe that’s how experiences work.

 

I’ll keep believing in myself that’s the least I can do, and you keep updated with me because I’ll use the truth as my method which most people forgot about .

 

peace out.

#NFZOG

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NO FLY ZONE OVER GAZA


NO FLY ZONE OVER GAZA

 

 

Who did you lose because air strikes by Israeli attacks?

How much pain you felt because of losing your beloved ones?

Why would you dry your tears in silence when you can shout out?

Why to suffer like this? When your right as human is to live in peace and be safe?

SAY IT OUT LOUD:

I AM HUMAN, I AM PALESTINIAN, I LIVE IN GAZA, I DESERVE NO FLY ZONE OVER GAZA AND I DEMAND IT NOW!

you will enjoy,too :

http://ibashar.wordpress.com/2011/04/11/no-fly-zone-over-gaza/

http://im7mad.wordpress.com/2011/04/10/drone-zzzzz/

Pearl –o–

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for what you felt I write this, not for tomorrow .

he was from a good family, house, car, he was cute, caring, got charming smile. but he never got your heart, even though he got you. you married him because the one and only thing you thought about is your family, how to make them happy again, together again. no more divorce fights, nor money ones . but you forgot to think about yourself. you forgot about your heart , your future, and your happiness. your own happiness.

you were a little girl didn’t past the teen area yet , got married ! I remember when it was time for the families to talk. you called me crying , you didn’t want it to happen , you were still young in your eyes as in mine . but you took that deep breath that I would never forget, told me this is my destiny . I have to do that for them, I don’t want to be selfish anymore. now I wish you were selfish at least that moment !

you were the most beautiful bride i ever saw, but your marriage didn’t last . because the mask fall. he turned to be a cheap selfish coward bitch ! he hurt you so many times, his family did,too. then ended the story by hitting you and disrespecting your father ! after more than a year , now your finally divorced ! I wish I can apologize for saying this word, because it hurts me that you just turned twenty and you had to feel and go through all that ! but also happy because you got read of him and hopefully one day of his memory,too! how sarcastic life is !

maybe if i tell you that a lot of the Palestinian young girls under twenty are divorced, you would feel better ! but what a shame ! who is responsible of that !? now, you understand more . and you know how it is hard to take such decision, and how its important to think about your own future in more effective ways. now, you also wish if your family were less selfish and thought of you a bit more !

my beautiful best friend , I am sorry I wasn’t there enough to stop it . I’m sorry that I’m telling the world that the happily ever after stories are not true , exactly like santa in christmas ! I’m sorry I told you that all couples fight but you have to be patient with him . I’m sorry for a lot of things . most of all, I’m sorry that you’re not the only one !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUVxaYdgS_Q

all girls, all women should know , you are as beautiful as the pearl . if he doesn’t appreciate you as he should . you deserve a better heart to sleep in every night and live through every day . my beautiful , you are my pearl , and this time I’m taking care of you forever . no one will ever hurt you again. no one will ever treat you wrong . I’m here for you always , I’ll make you stronger because tomorrow is a better day . I know it . and you deserve nothing but the best !

 

Libya #FEB14 ! UNITY #MAR15 ! and ME !

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since i was born in Tunisia , my mother is Libyan , and my father is Palestinian . i thought talking now is basically my time.

from what my mother – the only Libyan here in Palestine – said and how she described Libya, I’m already in love with it. and from what I’m watching right now about the revolution over there and how it turn to a war – so much as our war here in Palestine again the Israelis – i adore it . and my goal for next summer to visit the free Libya

my last visit to Tunisia, which wasn’t that far to be more precise, last summer 2010 , showed me the beauty of that green land and its people, and how liberating they are, and most amazing, they have faith in our cause the Palestinian maybe more than a lot of Palestinians do . Part of my family from Libya came over there , we all met in Sousa – an amazing city on the beach – we enjoyed summer with them . and for me specially, i enjoyed family .

now after all whats happening in Libya, i maybe got closer to Allah because of how much I pray for them! i try to keep in touch with them through internet but it’s not easy as it sounds . being worried is killing . I wish I’m there with them , at least I’m used to the war feeling, for me personally i rather day fighting than peacefully as most people wish . for my mother she would rather be with her family of course, but with all the stress that she’s living, i guess being here is way better for her health . how sarcastic is that !

what I realize now is , I’m basically a revolute, not only by choise but by blood,too. I’m proud of being half Libyan half Palestinian, and also belongs somehow to Tunisia . so now it’s time to do something for you my beautiful Palestine . to show you how much i love you . and how much being yours is my destiny .

on march 15 , we all will demand for your unity , there is no more west bank and Gaza . its Palestine . your my Palestinian . your our Palestine . this is the truth . this is what we all should fight for . no matter what we will sacrifice . my father sacrificed his life for you so as my grandfather . and so i am .

we should all Palestinian for get all colors, we’re all from one color . the Palestinian color, remember it ?! no its time to remind the whole world of it . its time to fight for it . you and i together my brother , my sister , together we will get our freedom . if some people forgot that , we will fix that mistake.

Israel you better keep watching your back . our generation is stronger than ever . we are the brave hearts. we are the fighters .

letter # 2

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Letter # 2

My love that I didn’t see since year and a half… I don’t miss you… because this word not even one tear closer to what I truly feel…

When we said goodbye I remember we didn’t cry, and the hug was the witness on that… I remember that my feeling was I’m going to see you tomorrow, do our habits , dancing on the streets of Gaza, laugh and sing songs that don’t express but a little of what we feel towards life .. I remember I woke up and called you as you’re not on the border or us being apart is not our destiny… As our own habit – you and I – that melts in our cells sarcasm of what life did to us, and we didn’t finish yet our second decait with our breaths above.

Now, after two years of that robbery, which stool from me a lot of hope and from you even much more. I send you my second letter. The first wasn’t for anyone but you , it was full of tears on a father I don’t see every morning anymore to  drink coffee with, a father who doesn’t kiss me goodnight .. Full of tears on separation, and a lot of faith in Allah who I love but he doesn’t love me back, Infidelity of destiny and a lost battle of love finished with no tears… this letter is different .. I am different… today I don’t see you next to me even though I know you feel me closer… I see myself with new friends, I like them, and tell them about you more every day without tears… my love, I know that you know my words don’t mean any abandonment  but more hope in meeting you, and more love for the eyes of al Maha and for a Moroccan house I adore. I know that you know we’re growing, and nothing from us tore anything inside us , and nothing from them killed anything inside us but a little of rockets, shrapnel and some burns left big prints on our future together ..

This letter has some of faith in life, and in Allah who loves us so much and we love him more every day… you’re in France these days, visiting your beloved sister and her bigger family now with their new born. Waiting from me a message to call me… I don’t want to admit it, but I’m scared… you’re voice terrifies me. I’m scared to miss you more, to feel pain and go back to infidelity of destiny… I’m scared to feel your weakness, that would break my body again and that I won’t go back on holding tight in waiting for hope that might come tomorrow in anytime… I’m worried that both of us would be waiting for love and tender in the same moment… that we would be lost in the dilution of us together which I become professional at… but with all my weakness I know you’re the only one who can make me stronger with one laugh or a word we used to share or maybe a French accent that might amaze me till I revolute on life.

Today we’re at our second year of university, you are in Switzerland and I am in Palestine… You long for her, your house and for days on a beach drowned us in his love… For an Arabian meal, for friends who knows you, for your bed that you adore its pillow, that you don’t sacrifice it even for me! you’re new friends love you no doubt, who sets with you for one time recognize your special character and how its filled of multiple corners that aren’t known even internationally. But none knows you the way I do, you might eat caned macaroni together, dance on house music, walk in beautiful streets, and drink hot chocolate together with a failing try for study… but they never knew her pretty Moroccan skin, nor when you were laughing together after a Moroccan conversation that I didn’t understand any of it but I have to laugh now.. They didn’t know you’re house before and after. Nor your room that was burnt by the occupation, they didn’t see you crying as a crazy Juliet lost her Romeo but didn’t find the poison to kill herself after wards, they didn’t watch you sleeping till the morning terrified to lose you .. They didn’t know your highest weakness… they didn’t hold your hand when everyone wanted to know the story, and you didn’t hold theirs when the chair crushed their fingers… you didn’t watch 4 movies in the same night together  just to not remember anything from the reality.. They didn’t give you their cloths when all of yours were burned, they didn’t kiss you before you go to sleep in the dark… you didn’t say goodbye for each other shaking… they don’t love you deeply, they don’t need you desperately .. But with all of that I wish they value you and never try to lose you for a moment…

My days recently are filled with wondering about the future, because I know the past we could never change, and destiny is written already… I was talking to our Tunisian, French colored friend. That we might meet together after two years, all of us in France in the same time of the years as now.  You and I together again, him and some beautiful friends that you know.  Surf its streets, as revolutionists on our destiny… I wish that so much! Our dear Tunisian friend, you introduced me to him when I visited Tunisia this summer, you didn’t leave me even there… you practiced your tender habit and hocked us up with his family, too. He used to study with your sister Bessan and her husband in university… he knew you. You don’t know how much I enjoyed smelling you from him… he knew my love… he saw her recently in this time last year. He was so generous and hansom. He knew how much I love you from how I spell your name… I wished to see you there… I had this stupid theory that just when I step out of Gaza I’m going to see you on the other side… naïve! I know… but in Egypt I met my precious Syrian friend Sarah with a Palestinian heart… we were close friends in secondary school and life separated us… but we met again… I enjoyed Egypt with her… we talked a lot, cried in each other arm… Laughed so much with our third faithful friend with no selfishness… We ate koshari and bought clothes with new memories… all of that gave me more faith in my heart to meet you soon.

Life never left us from its hard days even after two years… even in Switzerland which we thought it might be the safe shelter, maybe because it’s a neutral country. You moved from a department to a college building to another department, to a house might be warmer with an old lady. You try to focus on your study… but I want you to know whatever you do I’m proud of you… Christina the one with the rocked heart didn’t woke up from the shock or get over the situation in grey’s anatomy season seven. You know how much I love this series; its drama isn’t temporary exactly as reality. But you did… I needed a lot of time to realize how much I became dark inside me but I did in the end… we stepped one step forward… it’s a great establishment. And who says anything but that, they’re Zionist no doubt.

I long for a cup of tea with you and a fireplace… today am very cold with no rain… Gaza’s sky didn’t cry for awhile… maybe it lost its faith of the land to plant people who could love deeply and fight with dignity… or maybe it doesn’t know how to rain again after the land rain on it with blood… I found out today that the sister of ihsan’s husband is with me in university, we go to this class where they teach us religious thoughts don’t relate to Allah or how to love him more… she gets sad every time she talks about her died brother.. Till she showed me his picture, I told her we’re friends and I lived the whole story with them… I didn’t care much about her face changes after wards, you and I know why… but all what was spinning in my head, the day when Ihasan showed me her wounded body, designed with killing shrapnel… as if she was showing me prints of her heart’s death, her heart which didn’t love but that man who lived as a lover and left her as a martyr..

Love, I long to you more just because of thinking, and worried more just because of remembering…i send you a rose, a tear, and two kisses… The rose for your precious memory of her in your heart… the tear for the long destines that separates us… and the two kisses the first for you, and the second for tomorrow that will hold us together… remember me deeply not much.. Laugh louder and never hesitate to revolute… living with regrets on things you did is way better on living with regrets on things you didn’t do…

I’ll send you my third letter in a closer season with no tears between its lines nor sadness in its heart… and I’ll leave all the letters for you to draw and all the songs for you to dance and all the love for you to enjoy with your own traditions… just stay safe, and live free as I always loved you..